Friday, December 27, 2019

Divine Malaise




Finger tips know their own way 
and don’t keep it to themselves.

Don’t let the mind tell you it carries
most of the weight.


**


The plane turns south from Denver, 
late afternoon throwing light through cabin windows. 

Open prairie farmland, lightly dusted white, 
turns to rolling hills and deep creviced canyons. 

Sporadic stretches of forest, crosshatched roadways
and the sudden encroachment of housing tracts, 

the far-reaching outskirts of Colorado Springs, 
then the flaps-down drag of descent 

and arrival—old knots of kinship 
ready to be retied.


**


Out the backside of the house, we look south
over neighboring rooftops, to the Front Range,
lightly dusted slopes and ridge lines
fronting the higher, whiter, further out.

The home is quiet, a comfort. Sleep comes
as long and deep as winter’s nights. The brisk air
of morning suburban streets pleases.

Catching up is so relaxed, the range so wide, 
it’s hard to tell if anything need be caught at all.

The top right corner of the micro-wave
needs an extra push. We leave night-lights glowing, 
just in case—things being said 
that can only be said here.


**

Making history, with Ted

The two of us, 
who were so many years ago moved so 
by this man’s words, the two of us sit and watch 
the turn table spin, silently listening 

to the needle-lifted tones of Kerouac 
reading his own. 

We, alone and only in the world this day, 
at this hour, with Jack…

Pretty much presumptuous, we observe; 
but likely true.

Same hearts as back then, set to beating a’new.


**


Our last night together, plans in place,
dinner waiting on the stove, Latin music
and a fire.

Direction affirmed without the aid of a pointing finger,
we find our way by listening—where the music
takes us, has taken us, trusting opening 
a different knowing.


**


The ancients bid farewell at river crossings, 
roughened bridges; but for us 

the early morning drive on darkened highways
holds the stories our love like a glove. 

Whatever’s not said, can’t be. 
A hug, a kiss, a wave.

The right seat at the airport yields clear views.
Snow streaked Pike’s Peak, clouds clinging about,
roused from the dark by high country light.

What can real prayer be, if not 
the gladdened edges of a heavy heart, 
and willing devotion to whatever unfolds of that.


**


the last few years have been uneasy
for me, and I don’t know, but now looking back 

an urging, a call, signals without ready answers 

no surface changes, yet swells, traces, as if  
of currents not fully followed, for fear, or something 

something resistant to definition, to calculation 
or design—no not those, something

once absent hesitation, something 
allowing

an edge, to be sure, a point perhaps, but of space, 
of time 

that shows itself and there reveals 
the all unseeable beyond 

an unsayable momentum and pull,
immediate but gentle beckoning

as the breeze that turns the leaf 
there touched by sun, caught by the eye
just passing by

on the path that called the foot that 

then took the step 


**


An ode to one-offs

I don’t know,

I see now
not one thing
of one-offs
so desired,

except for
the music
in their count,

muttered crisp
to ears cupped
round their sound,

there picked up
with a smile.


**


Almost like over night, so many of the trees
along the streets have shorn their leaves entirely, 
as if winter, finally come for sure, leaves too little room 
for free-fluttering to ride in a sky constricted so with cold
it brittles all it touches. Lucky for us, the many and varied 
and deeper resiliencies that run in the blood of seasons.


**


I spread round the fruit trees today
with composted manure. Winter rains take it from here, 
to soil and roots into spring buds carrying seeds into blossom- 
yielding fruit, come summer.

Been here twenty years, the trees a bit less—my part each year,
less and even less—learned and learning how best 
to just stay out the way.

What a joy.


**


I saw on the desk calendar, predictions
of a fulsome moon sometime soon—but the rains
refuse to listen to such stories.


**
**


“Keeping company with moon and blossoms,
I spend my remaining life.

So clear—rains, clouds, and spirit.
I am awake, as are all things in the world.”


                                                                  —Ryokan

Monday, December 9, 2019

Light and its imaginings...





“LET US GIVE UP THE IDEA 
THAT WHATEVER IS HAPPENING TO US 
BELONGS TO US”

                                  —Albert Saijo



The young maple at the corner of the drive
where the old Chinese lady lives
offers vivid orange and gold. Midway up 
the terraced garden, long stretches 
of deeply colored greens, and upper most, 
a row of fruit trees, holding full 
to their leaves their color,
under the wide and empty chill 
of a morning in fall.


**


11/19/19

Numbers and letters fall to turning pages
like so many leaves, 

flutter a silent filling to scattered corners 
to cushion the earth

with multicolored stories 
of life in the sky, let go.


**


The fog today blankets the valley
full with only itself. Cold accompanies, 
transparent, affirmed by skin and bones,
by lungs braced by the unforgiving gift
of perspective regained: center-less
is the way it is—inclusive, whole, 
to be sure; no thing rejected, all things
a part of. And center-less.


**


With death closing in, the man on the screen
asks aloud of himself, what he’s done
with his life, and all the others, all aging,
on and beyond the screen, pause.


**


And so the hills felt different, indeed
presented differently for me, and maybe too
for the way I’d come, just wanting to be there. 
And arrived as I did in the beginning of day, 
before the brightness, in the earlier layers of light, 
in the quiet of grasses, dull and fallen leaves, 
reddened berries, the smells, aromas—all so clean 
a simplicity, whole and complete, open to accept
every step, no question where I’d been, any direction 
I’d care to go—a clear and palpable blessing 
of coming to know earth as ever my home.


**


First light
allows
east facing houses
on the hills
entry
from outside
darkness,
the quick brushed kiss
of sun’s rose-gold rays
dulling 
in the veil of mists
that hinders too
the fullest of moons
from sharing
the brightest of its time
in this new-come light
of the soft coming
of this new day
it slowly leaves behind.


**


The moon drops its light
from overhead, 

spreads patio stones lit 
like the face of a mountain lake.

Orion takes the horizon in the west,
I the double yellow lines down the street
some hundreds of feet 

before any sign
of life.

Morning so quiet, it seems un-breathed,
that whatever the next utterance, 

it will tap the whole 
of the waiting resonance.


**


Late November

The light
in mornings
between the houses
lays silent, sullen almost,
as like the tan colored grasses
of fall’s advance, lying flat
down against the face of the earth,
mixed here and there with darker tones
of fallen needles, lifeless scatterings 
‘round bared, swollen mounds,
packed hard and risen, as it were, 
to better survey sporadic stretches 
of still living grasses, many of which
will last, perhaps into, even through
the strange winter season here
and the promise of rains, which can 
and may green surrounding hillsides
well into a spring not even thought of yet,
except of course by those rains.

The ways of a place, once understood, 
ought to be followed more closely than predicted.

But who we are, what we do, 
for good or not, is usually both.


**


The canyons

The spring to the eastern side of the large oak
where the hermits have lived, still stains the earth there,
a pleasing find, more easily seen through the leafless trees
and withered scrub. The stream beds too, hold the puddles 
and trickles of successive waves of fog.

Bear berries own the hillsides, white tufts
pepper the wide spread coyote brush throughout 
and buds hint at the limb tips of the bays 
upper most in the canyon, where it begins to close in
with a last reach for the ridge.

One of the ancients has fallen here.

The stories the mountain holds are there for the asking,
page after page of unfolding continuance, step after step
a revelation of the universe at work, even if 
none are inclined to inquire.


**


Harold Stewart

There’ve been so many things these days
I’ve forgotten—those I can’t name among them—
but over and again I’m amazed at how often 
so accurate a glimmer appears for me,
of a phrase, one piece of a phrase, 
it’s place on the page as opened,
to the left or the right, and how that in itself
helps pull the right book from the shelf
and the intensity that is there re-touched

and in turn can lead to another turn, 
to a forgotten fellow poet, as now, waiting 
so close by, to again touch me.


**


The sleepless first hours in bed last night
slipped into long, low-range dream-sleep

that lifted with first light,
unusually cold and unexpectedly vital,

that took me into deserted streets in time to see 
low-angled rays of sunlight

reach to meet the gold-turned leaves
at the tops of the trees with its own.

The dream held a voice that held a place with me 
as I walked in that most perfect time.

It was strong, gruff, blunt with its words,
not mean-spirited, but no-nonsense.

The words, I could never clearly make out. 
But the voice, the voice said 
the time was now.


**


Even the coldest night holds true certain lines
that loosened contours of breath ride 
like so many lighted passages. 

Fear of death is the self’s resistance
to misperceived limits and misbegotten ideas
of peace as place certain.

The doubt that rebuffs the natural, 
unhindered flow of trust 
is of similar root

and the spark and glow from the rub 
of those tensions

is the stuff of human liberation.



***
***



“We love everything…—we dig it all.”


                                                  —Jack Kerouac